That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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