dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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