he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
