is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
