Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
