Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
