Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
