I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
