She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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