I wish I could teleport
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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