omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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