she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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