i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
