so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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