I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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