i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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