your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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