Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
