dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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