shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
