Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I would ride that face into the sunset
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
