where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
