do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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