She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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