I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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