Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
