My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
