I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
