he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
