she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
