Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
