I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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