i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
