having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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