PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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