Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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