omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
