It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you would pick up someone in the library
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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