Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
