Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
