I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
