her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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