white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
