i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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