Kiss
Puke
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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