my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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