Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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