When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
