So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
3pm strippers are depressing
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?