listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize