his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..