I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
