There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
