You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
