I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
