Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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