It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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