Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
