fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
