mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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