Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
