Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
