i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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