How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
