my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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