I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
