What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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