the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
